Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (00:01)
But a lot of parents don't realise how many risks young people and children are at as far as unwanted sexual encounters, as far as children using sexual violence against other children, which are very high rates, which I'm sure you'll talk about in other areas. But we don't want our children to be
Kristi McVee (00:16)
massive.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (00:23)
those who use sexual violence against others.
Kristi McVee - Intro (00:26)
Welcome to Conversations with Kristi I'm Kristi McVee a former WA police officer, specialist child interviewer and child abuse detective. For years I worked on the front lines investigating child sexual abuse, where I saw the risks, the patterns and most importantly, the ways that we can protect our kids. Now I'm here to share that knowledge with you. This podcast is all about real conversations, giving parents, carers and educators the tools to keep their kids safe, both in person and online.
Through survivor stories, expert insights and practical advice, we'll navigate these tough topics together so you feel informed, confident and empowered. Because when we know better, we can do better and our kids deserve nothing less. CONTENT WARNING Some topics and conversations can be triggering for some listeners. Listener discretion is advised as your mental health is important. Please refer to my website and the show notes for available support services.
Kristi McVee (01:24)
Morning and welcome back. I'm so excited to be chatting with a really good friend, Vanessa Hamilton, over in the East Coast. And Vanessa and I have had a few conversations around this topic, but it's really exciting to have a conversation just for you guys. Vanessa is the author of a book called Talking Sex, a conversation guide for parents. And as you can see, I've got some little tabs in there and I've actually highlighted a lot of the book. I feel like highlighting a book
almost blasphemy but at the same time these kinds of books you need them highlighted. So Vanessa it's so awesome to catch up with you again and to have a conversation around basically how we can talk to our kids about sex and not make it awkward or not make and not feel awkward when we do it. So thank you so much. Now why do parents struggle with introducing the sex talk or having the sex talk with kids?
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (02:22)
That's a really big question. Thanks for having me. Why do they struggle with having the sex talk? Well, number one, as you know, as I've put on the front of the book, it's much more than talking about sex. It's talking about all these things. they do think of sex, unfortunately, straight away when the conversations are much broader than that. And unfortunately, our society has a big focus really on shame, fear and danger around sex and sexuality. We don't really have
Kristi McVee (02:23)
Yeah
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (02:49)
you know, a positive, joyful approach of celebrating respectful, pleasurable relationships. So and many adults grew up with that fear and danger approach, if any sexuality, education or conversation. So they really ill equip themselves to have that knowledge, let alone put that knowledge on to a child in child perspective. most parents do struggle with it, although it doesn't take much to change that around.
Kristi McVee (03:05)
Mm.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (03:18)
conversations like we're going to have can really give a few tips on how to get out of that focus on fear and danger and think about human sexuality more broadly where it's relevant from birth to death and it's hardly anything to do with sex.
Kristi McVee (03:18)
No.
Yeah, yeah. mean, look, even I think we had this conversation on our podcast on the podcast episode where even us as parents, we you know, it's awkward even when we do it, but we have the tools in place and we've had the conversations with other people to be able to have them with our own kids. So it's more like once it's ripped the bandaid off, it doesn't isn't so bad, right?
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (03:39)
Mm.
That's what I say, just get started. It's easier than you think. And it does get easy. You do need to practise. And a couple of things about that. I'll give you my take home message right now to parents straight off the top is who do you want to be the main educator of your child about these topics related to sex, sexuality, respect for relationships, consent? Who do you want to be the person who delivers this information to your child? Hopefully you're all sitting there saying you want it to be you, which is exactly why you're here in this programme.
and listening to this podcast because it's children are getting a sexuality education every day from the world around them, whether we like it or not, from advertising, social media, popular culture, pornography, bus station, advertisements, all of that. And our silence is deafening. So we need to be brave and get in there and have those conversations and start. It's never too late.
It's never too early to start the conversations.
Kristi McVee (04:55)
Yeah, because I mean in Australia for instance we don't do it very well do we? My daughter, my 17 year old daughter has complaints about the fact that when she did her health and sex education it was all about the boys and you know, let's go there, like all about the boys wet dreams and ejaculation and she goes there was nothing really other than periods about in her education.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (05:22)
That's a really good example of that parents can sort of think about how school education, not the school education I provide into schools, we'll do it more equally, but it talks about periods which are taboo and shameful and dirty and something awful, next to ejaculation and wet dreams for those with penises, and that's not equitable. So in the classes I provide, we talk about female, vaginal lubrication and that the vagina,
can become soft and lubricated if they have a sexy thought or dream, just like a person with a penis might have an erection or semen leak out if they have a sexy thought or dream. That's equitable. And then we talk about periods next to sperm production, which is equitable as well. So just thinking around that perspective. And a lot of things I say to parents is to think about in our mind, we have layer upon layer upon layer of stuff in our head about sex and sexuality, often negative fear, base and danger.
And I say to parents, just strip back those layers, excuse the pun, in your head of all that stuff and simplify it and just bring it down to the most simple factual answer to a question or a situation.
Kristi McVee (06:31)
Yeah, and that brings me to my next question is what, like parents starting the conversation versus parents leaving it for the kids to come to them. Like, what's your thoughts on that? Because I know what my thoughts are.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (06:43)
Yeah, well, the kids may
never come and ask the questions, right? So you can't leave it to chance. And, you know, I presume there's different age groups of parents, he at listening and in an ideal world, we would start the conversations very early. Like they really start at toddler age in a shame free way, naming body parts. So in the bath, eyes, nose, ears, shoulder, vagina, vulva, penis, scrotum. And so
And then moving on to conversations about body safety and protective safety as they're going learning toileting and going off to childcare. You're telling that child you're a tellable and askable adult. You're the person they can come to with these questions. It's actually more about the tone than what you say. So you're saying, giving off that vibe that you can come and ask me anything. And that's my biggest tip is really, it's not about the words. You'll work it out.
do a bit of research and you'll find what's age appropriate. But it's not being shocked. It's not disciplining the child because they've asked because you feel uncomfortable. So really thinking about your poker face, even though you're panicking on the inside and thinking about what you're going to say next. And it's okay to say, that's a really interesting question. I need to have a bit of a think about that. I'll get back to you if that's all right, but make sure you get back to them. But no, you need to start the conversations. They may not come to you. And like I said,
So many other avenues are talking to them if you're not.
Kristi McVee (08:12)
Exactly and I love that and I've used that Let me just have that's an awesome question. Let's just I just need to have a quick think about that I'll come back to you, but also You know even when I was back in the police I was saying the same things to parents like you need to start this conversation because they're going to Google it They're going to look it up on the internet. Their friends are going to show it to them They're going to see it and even you pointed out it's on the side of bus stops or in the shopping centers that they're going past and so You know, it's there. It's already in their face
it's about controlling the controllable and being able to be that askable parent and that tellable parent because when the small things like having a small conversation can mean that when there's something big happens they'll come to you for that as well.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (08:56)
Yeah, and even
you might even need to say that implicitly saying to them you can come and ask us anything even if you think it's a rude question or you think it's you might get in trouble you won't I would much rather that you come and ask me and you can be honest and say look no one ever spoke to me about this and I'm finding it really difficult so bear with me while I find the right words I don't want that to be your experience the experience I had of not having any information
or and going from a health perspective and say, you your health and safety is so important to me. I've made sure you can swim and cross the road and eat healthy and your relationships and sexual health is also part of my responsibility and I've left that a bit behind. So there's some conversations we need to have. They're a bit uncomfortable for both of us, especially your tweens and your teens. Yeah, gross, exactly. I said, no, you don't want to have these conversations, but give me three minutes. I just really need to tell you something that's really important.
Kristi McVee (09:40)
Yeah, because they're like, gross.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (09:49)
You can do teachable statements. know, the 15 year old that says, which I've got a couple of teens by the way, la la la la la, I don't want to hear this, roll the eyes, you're a boomer, all that sort of thing. Sometimes you just say a statement and I'll say a statement and really high five myself that they heard that. You know, I'm not going to get anything back, but you know, just saying, oh, why deep fakes called deep fakes? Because it's not actually fake, it's a real person's face.
End of story, you know, said that what we're trying to teach empathy in these situations, empathy is so important, have conversations about how that other person might feel if this happens to them. Turn on commercial radio. There is so much rubbish on commercial radio for you to call out and have a conversation about as far as respect for relationships, consent, sex and sexuality. Why is he singing that about his girlfriend? He's making out he's such a great lover when really he's just being really disrespectful and sounds like an idiot, you know.
Kristi McVee (10:43)
Yeah.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (10:44)
some of those conversations.
Kristi McVee (10:46)
Yeah, and I like that because that's along the lines of how I parented and also how I think we should parent is that use things that are happening, you like you hear something that's happened in the school, you know, quite often we hear about especially, you know, teens in high school, or, know, someone's nudes get shared all over the school, you know, why do you think people do that? You know, why don't why do people share nudes? You know, this is a private and a personal thing to share with someone, you
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (11:06)
Yeah.
Mm.
Kristi McVee (11:16)
And not only that, from my perspective in the policing side, you can talk about the legalities of that and what could happen, but having a two-way conversation around it's not a lecture.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (11:27)
There's actually a huge checklist of things we need to talk about, isn't there? Things like legalities as well as empathy as well as why you would do these things. I've written the checklist in my books. No.
Kristi McVee (11:30)
Massive.
But you don't do it at once. You do it over
multiple conversations and just pick a topic for that moment.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (11:41)
Yep.
And then you'll be going back as well and having the conversation again and again. Teachable moments, they're everywhere. I'll give you a couple of examples. Just recently I realised I'd said, use this teachable moment with my 12 year old, but I'd forgotten it with the youngest child. The youngest child gets forgotten. So I was in the car with a 12 year old who was about to go off to secondary school.
And the ad on the radio came on for laser eye surgery. Mr. Jones, you left your glasses in the massage parlour. You know, it's something about laser eye surgery. And I said, do you know what a massage parlour is? And they said, no. And so I had that opportunity to be the first person to tell them what a massage parlour was, prostitution and sex work. So they heard it from me, not from the playground at high school.
And recently 14 year old were driving down the street with lots of bars and restaurants and there was lots of people around and there was massage parlors in amongst it. And I said, I just, we were talking about the bars and things. I said, there's those massage parlors. Do you know what they are? And he said, no. And he's 14. And I thought, haven't, whoops, quick. So I had that conversation then. And he was like, why? You know, why is that missed? So then we had a whole conversation about why.
some people do sex work or need to do sex work or want to do sex work. And that was all in an open dialogue with me being positive about and respectful about any person and making sure that people are safe and the law and all of those things. had a really interesting conversation. So teachable moments are everywhere.
Kristi McVee (13:17)
Yeah, totally. And I love that. That that that's the experience that we can give our kids, you know, like I didn't have that experience when I was going through puberty. It was more like don't have sex and that's it. No, no conversations about, you know, any of that. And a lot of what I learned personally learned was through
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (13:22)
Mm.
Kristi McVee (13:37)
know, older teens saying words and me going, huh? Like, you know, and then someone might explain it to me or I didn't know and then here I am in a situation where I don't know how to say no to. So there's so much that can be, that we can empower our children through conversation. So I guess my next question is, what, you've already alluded to it, but what age can we start the conversations and why is it so important to start it so young?
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (13:59)
Yeah.
Right now, whatever age they are, especially
if they're tweens, and it's just ongoing. And don't stop at 18. I've got a 20 year old and still having conversations. that, for example, knowing and understanding about puberty before it happens to them is not only beneficial for their health and wellbeing, it's their basic human right.
to have that information about their bodies, especially when we know global evidence tells us that when children have age appropriate, accurate information from a young age throughout their growth and schooling, they actually have better outcomes. They delay first sexual intercourse to a later age. They have less sexually transmitted infections. They have less unintended pregnancies. They have more positive, consensual, respectful encounters. The evidence is crystal clear on this. Now, withholding that information, I wonder, is that ethical for us to do that?
So ideally a whole school approach, all ages, age appropriate, where children are getting good, accurate, factual information in the classroom by well-trained educators, and then conversations from parents at home. And the parents need to do a bit of groundwork. I've written a book with lots of information in it. There's heaps of information out there. But parents' main fears around age are things like they'll say, well, children will lose their innocence.
They won't lose their innocence by learning about their bodies and respectful relationships. They'll lose their innocence when something happens to them that they didn't want to happen or they didn't know about. Also, that implies that learning about human sexuality, this amazing part of being human, is dirty, shameful, or wrong, and that they're gonna lose their innocence when, in fact, when you put it in a positive light, that's not gonna happen. Parents say, I haven't got the right words. What if I say the wrong thing? Anything you say is better than nothing. Just get started.
Kristi McVee (15:35)
Exactly.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (15:55)
They'll say, if we give them ideas and they'll go out and do it. Giving information is not permission, especially when you add in your values and expectations around the conversations that you're gonna have as well. They're just some of the fears that people, generally every parent session, they say those three things.
Kristi McVee (16:12)
Yeah, and I think that and and touching on what you said earlier about you know having a turning into a positive kind Language like practicing some of those language skills where hey, you know, that's a really interesting question or
I didn't have these conversations. So it might be bit clunky or a bit awkward, but hey, let's have these conversations. Because one of the things you said on our podcast last, and it really resonated with me is, do we really want our kids to have, mean, forget that they're kids for a minute, but they're adults or they're of an age because they don't become sexual beings from the minute they turn 18. And we want them to have positive experiences throughout life. And we want them to be empowered throughout life. We don't want them to feel
like they can't talk about this or that what they're doing is wrong. So we're the ones that can model that.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (16:57)
No.
And
I don't want to sit here and give all the stats currently about what's happening with young people and teenagers, because it's pretty daunting parents. But a lot of parents don't realise how many risks young people and children are at as far as unwanted sexual encounters, as far as children using sexual violence against other children, which are very high rates, which I'm sure you'll talk about in other areas. But we don't want our children to be
Kristi McVee (17:23)
massive.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (17:30)
those who use sexual violence against others. We also don't want our children to be victims of that, victim survivors. And that's right, it can't wait till they're 18. It needs to happen much earlier than that, age appropriately. And most children respond really well, you know. I could give you an example of how babies are made. Do you want me to do the usual spiel about, yes please, the usual? Yeah, so that pregnant person crossing the road, oh wow, that strong body.
Kristi McVee (17:49)
Yes, please. Yeah. I was about to say how do parents start the conversation? So let's go.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (18:00)
Pregnancies, know, humans are amazing how they can make babies. That reminds me, have we talked about how babies are made? Or what do you know about that already? So ask them and see what they know. So I'll just give you a bit of a spiel that people can adjust to suit their own circumstances of how one way of explaining how babies are created, there's lots of different ways and you can talk about all those ways. The most common way is when two people decide that they want to make a baby, a person with penis and testicles and a person with a vagina and ovaries, they talk a lot about it.
They make a decision to do it. They love and respect each other. When they're ready, they'll choose a private place and time. They'll be enjoying each other's bodies. And when they're ready, the penis will stick up from the body. The vagina will become lubricated and stretchy and the vagina will accept the penis. The penis will deliver the sperm and the sperm will travel up to meet the egg. Full stop. And most kids will say, that's great. Can I have a biscuit? You know, the younger ones will. Some will say...
Kristi McVee (18:47)
Okay.
The younger ones,
mean if you've heard it from a young age it's like meh, okay.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (18:57)
Yeah, that's how it happens. Thanks for telling me and they know that you can come back to them. The bit older ones, they'll do starting the puberty, etc. and whatever they think they'll say, that's disgusting. Why would they do that? That's weird. Or they'll laugh. And that's your perfect opportunity to say yes, kids feel like that and think it's disgusting and weird, because it's not for kids. It's for adult minds and bodies only. And it takes many, many years for minds and bodies to be ready for something like that. That's why kids think it's weird.
Adults actually like doing that when they're both respecting and consenting each other and their bodies feel ready. They actually like doing that. It feels good. We need to talk about amazing, wonderful, positive, pleasurable sexual relationships and partnerships and encounters until we're blue in the face. Because what they're seeing alternative to that is what they will view on pornography, not if they'll view when they will view on pornography and other popular culture depictions of
Kristi McVee (19:48)
win.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (19:54)
what a sexual encounter looks like. So we need to counterbalance that out by modelling respectful relationships in front of them, because the kids are watching.
Kristi McVee (20:04)
100 % and you you touched on you know children harming other children and that we're seeing a massive increase in that and I think that
think I know that that is due to the fact that children are seeing pornography from such a young age and we're going to have a massive conversation about pornography in coming months. you know the pornography factor is a big issue and when children want to find out about sex because they might have heard the word term or they might or they're not even looking for it they're playing a game or they're playing you know they're on YouTube or wherever they're going to see pornography accidentally if we haven't if we have
had the conversation and we don't talk them through it or we don't give them the opportunity to understand what they're saying. So that is showing kids that you know and you and I both know you look at like Pornhub or one of the the front pages of it and it's all about you know it's non-consensual or it's a it's there's incest involved or there's you know so many derogatory parts to it and if that's all a child is seeing about sex or hearing about sex that's what they think sex is about.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (21:12)
and not shaming them for seeing it because they will see it. And it's the same as not shaming a child for nudes being shared because it is so likely to happen. So on the flip side, unfortunately, we need to prepare them that their world will not end if this occurs to them. And just for the adults out there, know, just around positive sexuality, not about and, you know, we're not anti seeing sexual images for adults. It's we're talking about children seeing imagery that
isn't ethical or feminist pornography, it's mainstream because all of that takes time to find in a credit card. It's what our children are exposed to that we're concerned about.
Kristi McVee (21:51)
And not only that, you don't even have to go, like kids don't even have to go seeking it. It comes to them in what they're doing.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (21:57)
No, in their roblox and other games,
yep.
Kristi McVee (22:01)
Yeah, and in roadblocks and it's being forced upon them and we can't protect, the only way we can protect them is through conversations, through counteracting like you said. So these conversations are so vitally important if you want your child to have a healthy, empowered childhood. Not only that, if you want them to have a healthy, empowered adulthood because these experiences are going to shape what happens or how they feel about things down the track if we don't do the work.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (22:31)
That's right. that's hardly anything to do with sex. That's about respect, consent, empathy, kindness, generosity, reciprocity. know, the bodies and the sexual encounters, that's just a tiny part of this whole gamut of conversations we've got to have with kids so that they are healthy and well and have pleasurable positive experiences in their life.
Kristi McVee (22:52)
Yeah, and I didn't really, know, to make it like parents might be sitting here thinking, there's so much to do and there's so, but you know, we don't think about that when we have kids, right? We think about the little baby that we've got to take home and how it's going to be half of you and half of me. And, you know, all of those things and how cute and all of that sleepless nights, we don't think about the things that we actually have to teach them. And we don't talk about it. And I think that's why as and there's no handbook, we don't get a handbook with our child. So there's a lot to learn and
From my experience in policing, I saw the parents who made the effort and did it or tried to do it and yeah, sometimes their kids would make mistakes like send a nude or sometimes their kids would end up in, you know, being spoken to by police about something. But the parents that have had those conversations, those kids were less and less and less than the ones that had no one guiding them.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (23:44)
Yeah, that's right. And just on that, they need to be guided. Just to pick up on the mistake of sending a nude, that's a good example for us to try and not say that if we can, because it is, whether we like it or not, it's normalised amongst teenagers to send sexual images of themselves to each other. Yeah, and adults do it, yeah.
Kristi McVee (24:03)
Adults do it too though, like.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (24:06)
So it's about understanding the risks of doing that and how they can mitigate those risks and reduce those risks if possible. But they also need to know the legalities obviously as well.
Kristi McVee (24:16)
Yeah, I mean, look, there's a lot around the nudes side and I talk about it with parents whenever I do a parent presentation is that, know, a child's most likelihood of having like more likely to send a nude before they even have their first kiss today. You know, like there's a lot of stuff that is online versus what we grew up with. So we need to have those conversations way before they're getting pressured for them so that they know.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (24:32)
Yes.
Kristi McVee (24:42)
what some of those consequences could be so that they can make an informed decision. And I just wanted to touch base with you about brain development, right? So our kids aren't fully, they're not gonna have fully developed brains until their mid twenties and some in my husband's case mid thirties. I joke, but he had, he's got ADHD. he, you know, like when you add in all sorts of different factors, but this is why having these conversations more than once, they're not gonna always like stick.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (25:13)
No.
Kristi McVee (25:14)
and using different sources or different medias to be able to help them understand and hear that messaging is also important.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (25:23)
It's an ongoing conversation and people say, what about the child who has different learning abilities, et cetera? You need to adapt the conversations to each individual child regardless, because they're all different in their maturity. Some are really shy about this stuff and they've picked that up from society and that's okay. use different ways of communicating. It might be that they can ask you a question via text and you text back the answer. Buying books, I highly recommend.
Kristi McVee (25:48)
Yep.
are
amazing.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (25:51)
There's so many books, you've
got books on your list. Books are a great prop. My kids have got books in their room that I've given them. They roll their eyes and say they don't need them and they don't want them. And I say, I don't care, at least they're there. I don't care whether you read it or not. At least it's there. It reassures me that they're in your room. And yeah, finding different ways of being creative and having that conversation. And some parents and families worry that if they have those conversations, the kids are gonna share it with other children. And that's an opportunity to say,
Kristi McVee (26:01)
But I read them.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (26:20)
We have conversations in this household about anything. You can ask us anything, but not all families do that. So it's not your job to teach the other kids at school. That's their adult's job. So keep that conversation at home is one way of mitigating that, especially the younger ones. And so what if they go in the playground and say the accurate terms of body parts like vulva, at least the kids are talking about in the playground anyway, it's better that they're having that accurate conversation isn't
Kristi McVee (26:30)
Yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah, well, and then that's how my sex talk and here's the thing, like I wish I had your resource and your book when Charlotte was, you know, younger because she, I didn't have that resource and I had the conversation at eight because, and I should have had it way earlier. Like looking back, I could probably, well, she'd had all of that body safety education from, and the correct terminology. So I kind of think, well, it popped up at eight and here, but it was because like you said, it happened in
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (27:02)
Yeah, but you did it.
Yes.
Kristi McVee (27:15)
in
the playground, someone told her what it was and then she was acting like, ugh, that's gross. And I was like, okay, tell me what's, you know, and she didn't want to talk to me about it at the time because she was grossed out about it. But how I coached it out of her to find out, I was like, well, maybe they've told you the wrong, inaccurate information. So if you tell me what they've told you, then I can tell you if it's correct or not. And so that's how I found out. Yeah, and then, you know, and just giving her that. I'm like, you know, and one of the things I did want to mention,
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (27:16)
Yep. Yep.
That's right.
Try an example.
Kristi McVee (27:45)
and you have mentioned it is like going back to kids after you've given them some information. I used to practice this, I used to say a couple of days later or a day later, hey, you know that conversation we had, it, you got any questions? Because then I knew that, because you might not cover everything in that same one conversation, but they might be thinking about it whilst they're doing something later on.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (28:03)
knife.
Yeah.
And we talk about talking in the car is a great one, you know, for both facing forward. And just revisiting those conversations can be really, really useful and important. But the main thing that you, your point there is that you were the askable, tellable parent that they know that they can come to you and ask you. So again, it's around the tone more than what you say. Don't worry, you will find the words.
Kristi McVee (28:11)
Yeah.
yeah.
Yes.
Yeah and I will try and hopefully try and and that's the that was my last question is like any tips and tricks for parents to make it easier that sitting forward is so much easier than looking at each other. You know the other place that I used to have these conversations is when bedtime ritual like we'd read a book together and I would say hey have you got any questions about anything or do you want to talk about it and like and usually it's that's when
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (28:50)
Yeah.
Kristi McVee (28:57)
when the lights were low and we were getting ready for bed, we'd have a conversation about something like that. you know, sometimes you can make it even special for you guys to have those conversations.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (29:09)
That's right. And we wrote Kit and Arlo Find A Way, which is a consent resource for eight to 12 year olds. And that's an engaging chapter book that parents can read with their kids. And it's all about the foundational concepts that prevent sexual violence and disrespect. Yet it's not about sexual violence or disrespect. It's about empathy and being kind and managing your disappointment when your friend says no.
and being proud of yourself that your friend felt safe to say no as far as negotiating an enjoyable game to play. That's teaching consent to children, that's not about sex. So find those books, read those books and just have lots and lots of conversations because our children deserve better.
Kristi McVee (29:49)
Yeah.
They do and I think anyone who's listening to this is of that opinion too. So thank you so much Vanessa. So Vanessa's book is Talking Sex and you can get it from tell me where again we can get it. I've got a copy going to one lucky person in the group and Vanessa's gonna sign it and send it to you. Yep.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (30:04)
You're welcome.
Yeah.
I will do that. And WordPress, AMBA, is the
publisher or it's available on Amazon and other outlets.
Kristi McVee (30:25)
Yeah, and so I did, like you said, there's so much in that book that helps, basically gives you the guidebook of how to have the conversation. if you are stressing, if you are stressing, if you're worried, if you wanna know, you just want that resource that can help you have those conversations and make you and your child feel empowered, definitely grab a copy. And otherwise, follow Vanessa because she gives lots of information, but she's a very busy woman.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (30:35)
conversation started.
Thank
Kristi McVee (30:55)
going to be talking at
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (30:55)
you.
Kristi McVee (30:56)
well I'm really proud of you because you're to be talking at the World Association of Sexual Health or for Sexual Health 2025 conference.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (31:03)
Mm, mm,
mm, very exciting, very nerve wracking, but bringing to the forefront childhood sexuality and the importance of education. So I'm really proud that I'll be doing that alongside some other colleagues in June in Brisbane, yeah.
Kristi McVee (31:07)
Yeah.
Yeah, that's crazy. Well, it's crazy to be talking about it, but you I think it's your you make it easy, you make it doable and you make it so that we don't feel like we're doing it alone. And I'm so grateful for your expertise. Thank you.
Vanessa Hamilton (she /her) (31:32)
It's not always that easy though as a parent,
even myself, but just get started. All right. It's a pleasure. Thank you for having me. I love having these conversations. Thanks Kristi, Bye bye.
Kristi McVee (31:42)
Thank you.
Kristi McVee (31:46)
Thank you for listening to this episode. Education empowers children, strengthens parents and most importantly, prevents abuse. That's why I do this work and that's why you're here. So truly thank you. If you'd like more support or resources, follow me on social media under Kristi McVee or cape-au where you'll find all the links in the show notes. You can also grab a copy of my book, Operation KidSafe, a detective's guide to child abuse prevention at www.cape-au.com
where you'll find further resources and self-paced courses to help you in this journey of protecting your kids. If you found this episode valuable, please take a moment to leave a review or share it with someone important. Your support helps more parents and caregivers discover this important information and take action to keep kids safe. Check the show notes for extra links and support. And most importantly, thank you for showing up and taking action to protect your kids. See you next time.
