Kristi McVee (00:00)
Hey there, I'm Kristi McVee former WA police detective, specialist child interviewer and Australia's leading child safety expert. Let me tell you a little secret. I don't know how that happened. Welcome to Ask Kristi. The podcast where I answer your real questions about child safety, body safety, grooming, and keeping your kids safe in a world that can feel really scary sometimes. Every episode, I take a genuine question from a parent sent in via DM or anonymously, and I answer it honestly from nearly a decade of frontline experience.
investigating child sexual abuse and abuse. No fluff, no fear, just real answers, hoping to give this information to as many parents as possible to keep kids safe. Let's get into it.
Kristi McVee (00:41)
Welcome back to Ask Kristi. I'm Kristi McVee. Child safety expert and former WA police detective. And today I'm answering a DM that came into my inbox recently that I think a lot of parents need to hear.
So, hi Kristi, fellow mum here to a two and a half year old and a five month old. My husband is in the military away for work, so essentially I'm solo parenting. My toddler plays in the backyard naked with the hose. We live behind the maintenance shed of a school and for the last three weeks my son has been insinuating a man is at the fence. I called my son and he didn't answer me. I went outside and couldn't see him straight away. I went to the fence and when the man heard me call my son's name, I spotted him and saw him walking away. I told him next
time I'm guessing her son she told her son I told him next time he's there come and get me. Yesterday it happened again my son came and got me and said mommy man with a beard and sure enough when I went out there he was walking away. Was he just working or was it a coincidence it's always when I go out. I went to school straight away and spoke to the principal but I'm quite nervous for when this man returns to work in case he confronts me.
I trust my child 100% but he is two years old. Am I being too cautious? I am going to install a cheap camera. What a scary situation.
Okay, first thing I want to say to this mum is you are not overreacting, not even close. Your instincts are working exactly how they should be and the fact that you went to the school principal straight away, I think that's the exact right move because for me, there's a lot of red flags here. So let me tell you what I'm seeing here from my detective perspective or from my...
child's abuse perspective. There are two things that gave me immediate concern. The first is that this man is engaging with a child who is alone in a backyard, his backyard. There's no reason to engage with him. And even if the child did engage first, as in hello, a safe adult sees a child says hello and gets on with the job.
And know, a safe adult who's there to do a job sees a kid playing and gets on with their work full stop. The second is, and this is a big one, he is walking away every single time mum appears. He's not stopping to introduce himself. He's not having a conversation with mum. He's not being transparent. Frankly, I think that he doesn't want to be identified. And that tells me everything because safe adults will stop, have a conversation, say, hey.
I'm such and such from the school, just over here in the shed. Your little fella here had a chat to me. You know, whatever. Like just being transparent and being open and honest tells me everything. So someone who doesn't tells me that they don't want to be identified and they might not have good intentions. Now,
the naked piece. I also want to gently name something. Your son is in his own backyard. It is totally okay for him to be playing outside naked. And I'm not saying that he shouldn't, because toddlers do this, right? It's completely normal for them to want to play with the hose, be outside naked, do what they want in their own backyard naked. However, my concern is that...
because he's visibly naked and this person obviously can see him over the back fence and there's potential for other people to see him then whilst he's unsupervised out there and near the fence line he is vulnerable and someone with bad intentions will notice that and you know it's just
In my mind, I'm just thinking, we've already got someone who's, you know, talking to him and walking away. It's, big red flags. Let's try and keep him supervised in that backyard. And that's what I would recommend to this mom. So for right now, no unsupervised backyard time, not until this is resolved, not until you have better supervision out there with cameras, et cetera, if that's what you're going to get. So my practical advice to you, to this mom was that
if she sees this man again, photograph him. Have her phone at the ready and photograph him. Make it obvious that you're photographing him. You want him to know that you see him and you are documenting him. That alone will hopefully be bad enough to make someone with bad intentions disappear and avoid your backyard and your child. The camera, the wireless camera or the
Security camera is an amazing idea. would highly recommend that, especially if you've got a fence line that's bordering onto a school, anyone could jump in the backyard anyway. So it's just giving you that extra security to know who's in your backyard or who's walking past your backyard. You can grab wireless ring cameras from Bunnings for around $150, maybe a little bit more. Can't remember the price we got ours for.
It's motion censored, motion activated, it's Wi-Fi, it gives you eyes on that fence line even when you're inside. So yeah, really, really good idea. If the behavior continues after you've spoken to the principal, go to the police. You don't need proof of a crime, you just want to make a report so there is a record. Because, at present, there is no crime being committed. However, if...
We can, if police have something else happen, say something else happens to another neighbor's, in another neighbor's yard, then, they're going to have this intelligence that they can use to make a decision to look into something further. It's just about keeping people aware of what's going on. About Tuesday, you mentioned you're worried about him confronting you on Tuesday or when he went back to work.
You don't owe this man a conversation. If he approaches you, stay calm, stay brief, go inside. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone who has been lurking at your fence line for over three weeks, talking to your son while he's naked in the backyard. If you feel unsafe, call police immediately. Tell them the story. Ask them to attend.
but you don't owe anyone anything. If he's angry or upset, that is not on you. He has done the wrong thing. And to this mom, you trusted your gut, you acted on it, you went to the school, you're installing a camera, you are doing everything right. And I want parents to hear what I'm saying here.
By doing this you are protecting your kids. It doesn't matter that a stranger thinks that you're overreacting. It doesn't matter if this person thinks you're overreacting. You are doing everything right so keep on doing it.
Look, if you've got a question you want me to answer on Ask Kristi, please send a DM. Send me an email to my [email protected] You can always keep it anonymous. I would prefer that anyway. And if this episode helped you share it with another parent because this stuff matters. Have a look at the resources on my website. If you need any further information about child protection, child safety or how to talk to your kids, that website is in the show notes.
Kristi McVee (07:07)
That's it for today's Ask Christy. If you've got a question you want answered, me a DM on Instagram or submit it via email to hello at ChristyMcVie.com. We'll keep everything anonymous. I read every single one and we will do our best to get back to you personally as well as sharing it with the community.
And if today's episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to check out my other resources at kristimcvee.com including my Operation Kids Save book or Conversations with Kids body safety card deck. Everything is designed to help you have calm, confident conversations with your kids about body safety. Share this episode with a parent who needs it and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. I'll see you next time.
