What to say when the adults you love are modelling the exact behaviours that put children at risk.

I want to talk about something that doesn’t get said enough.

The behaviours we most commonly associate with grooming and child sexual abuse - the testing of boundaries, the forced physical affection...

I spent nearly six years as a detective specialising in child sexual abuse investigations. In that time, I interviewed hundreds of children and sat across the table from the people who hurt them.

One thing was always true: the abuse didn't start with the abuse.

It started long before - with a proc...

Let me say something that might surprise you.

Not everyone who displays red flag behaviours will abuse your child. 

But here's what I know from nearly a decade investigating child sexual abuse - everyone who abuses a child displays red flag behaviours first.

Read that again.

Red flags are not a ...

When is a child’s sexualised behaviour age-appropriate and when is it something we need to interrupt?

In Australia, the term used to describe sexualised behaviours between children that are inappropriate or problematic is Harmful Sexualised Behaviours (HSB).

For some adults, certain behaviours wou...

I received a message recently that made me think about all the times when I was still in the Police and I felt like protecting kids was an impossible task and being a Police Officer didn't help anyone. 

I had many days where I I felt that what I was doing didn't matter. If I'm honest, I still have da...

Recent cases involving female educators and carers have understandably shaken people and forced many of us to re-examine assumptions about who we trust with our children.

Not because abuse by a female perpetrator is new - but because when a woman, particularly a trusted adult such as a teacher, har...

After years working as a detective with children who had been abused, I started noticing something. 

It wasn't obvious at first but as time went on, certain conditions became consistently apparent. 

Different families. Different ages. Different settings. Different offenders. 
Some cases were adult-...

Every educator dreads it. 

A child whispers: “They touched me on my private parts.”
Or you see two children in a situation that crosses boundaries.

It can be awkward. It’s often confronting and it can feel overwhelming if you don't know how to handle it.

But here’s what I want you to remember: yo...

It’s one of the hardest things for a parent or carer to wrap their head around, witnessing a child display sexualised behaviours towards another child. The instinct is to minimise, to explain it away with a nervous laugh and say, “They’re just curious,” or “It’s normal at that age.”

But here’s the ...

Let’s talk about something that makes a lot of adults squirm - how to explain safe and unsafe touch to little ones when we are the ones responsible for helping them with things like toileting, nappy changes and hygiene.

This topic came up from an educator who purchased my Conversations with Kids ca...

The Question No One Wants to Ask (But Every Parent Should)

Most parents assume the people they love are safe for their children. That family and friends means protection. That love equals trust. I wish that were always true.

But my years as a child abuse detective taught me something I could never...

Before I became a police officer, I didn’t know much about child sexual abuse. It just wasn’t something people talked about when I was a child growing up or as I became a parent myself.

I joined the WA Police before my daughter had turned 2-years-old and she grew up with me in the blue uniform, hel...